


“wish i were...”

by saemah



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentioned Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Song Lyrics, Song: Heather (Conan Gray), Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26114665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saemah/pseuds/saemah
Summary: a song in hwang hyunjin’s ‘melancholy’ playlist begins to play and he sings along.
Relationships: Han Jisung/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Han Jisung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	“wish i were...”

**Author's Note:**

> hey! just to warn you, the writing’s all in lowercase for those who haven’t noticed nor appeal to the cool and lazy aesthetic vibe that lowercase writing emits. enjoy!

his name was hwang hyunjin and he took his bike to ride to his high school with his earphones plugged in. a small smile comes to his lips as he hears the beginning of mxmtoon’s ‘prom queen’ play and a soft breeze circles around him as he peddles on. 

hyunjin’s high school wasn’t far from his home. roughly seven minutes by foot and two at the speed hyunjin rides his bike. the wheels screech to a halt and he clambers off, sliding the bicycle into a pad lock. the soft squeak every now and then his trainers made as he walked down the hallway of his high school. only a few people were here, which most likely meant hyunjin was early for his registration class.   
  


he hears ‘prom queen’ coming to a slow end as his pushes open the door to his classroom. he was definitely early as no one was inside the room but him. he makes his way to his seat at the very back of the room near the class windows. 

  
he settles into his chair and the familiar sound of guitars playing start to play through his earphones. conan gray’s 'heather' has reached it’s turn in his playlist and he melts into the lyrics, softly singing along.

**i still remember third of december**

**me in your sweater**

_“are you sure?” he asked the squirrel boy; said boy groaned, “hyunjin, just put the damn jumper on.”_  
  


_“okay okay, just making sure.” laughed hyunjin._

  
**you said it looked better**

**on me than it did you**

_“oh, it looks good on you. it swallowed me whole.” nodded squirrel boy, whose name was jisung. han jisung._

  
_hyunjin scoffed before smiling at jisung. the kind of smile that reached your eyes with your head slightly tilted to the side._  
  


_“thanks, hannie.”_

**only if you knew**

**how much i liked you, but i**

**watch your eyes as she walks by**

_they were busy chatting away to each other surrounded by a few of their friends when a certain boy with blonde hair walked by. jisung was next to hyunjin when fairy boy was walking down the school hallway, when jisung stopped mid conversation to watch the petite boy walk so gracefully as though he was the sun._

**what a sight for sore eyes**

**brighter than a blue sky**

well, he _is_ the sun. the slightly golden bronze skin and those awfully beautiful freckles littered his face and his nose, his cute little button nose. hyunjin didn’t blame jisung for falling for the school’s fairy, he just had to hide the fact that he was in love with his best friend and make sure the sound of his heart breaking wasn’t too loud. 

**she’s got you mesmerised**

**while i die**

his heart began to deliciously ache at the thought of jisung not being his, at the thought of not being able hold jisung’s hand, kiss him till his lips were bruised or hug him until the thought of him disappearing was no longer there. 

**why would you ever kiss me?**

**i’m not even half as pretty**

_it was third of september, when han jisung decided to surge forward and kiss hyunjin. he imagined jisung’s lips to be soft and pillow like, but they were slightly peeling and rough, yet the way he relaxed in han’s hold as they stood awkwardly in the kitchen kissing away._  
  


he had decided that that was his best kiss and his only kiss, as that was his first kiss. he was happy that jisung was his first kiss, but then he was angry at the thought of jisung only kissing him to know how his lips felt and not because he liked him.

**you gave her your sweater**

**it’s just polyester**

_fairy boy wore one of jisung’s jumper as he started towards hyunjin and his friends. their friends. it was a polyester jumper. his only polyester jumper._

**but you like her better**

**wish i were heather**

tears had started to gather at hyunjin’s eyes as he blankly stared in front of him. the class was still empty.

**watch as she stands with her holding your hand**

**put your arm ‘round her shoulder**

**now I’m getting colder**

hyunjin remembered that one time when fairy boy excitedly ran over to jisung and the rest of their friends. he stood next to squirrel boy when jisung put his arm 'round his shoulders. hyunjin looked away quickly, picking up a conversation with seungmin as he ignored the burn surrounding his heart.

**but how could i hate her**

**she’s such an angel, but then again**

**kinda wish she were dead**

_“hyunjin!” a voice called out to him. he turned around and saw that it was fairy boy. he jogged over to hyunjin with an unbrella in hand. it was raining and hyunjin was beginning to get soaked and his uniform was starting to uncomfortablly cling to his skin._  
  


_“hey.” hyunjin said as he waited for the other boy to catch up to him. he caught up and raised his umbrella over the both of them. “okay, now let’s go.”_  
  


_“gosh, you’re a literal angel. what would we do with you.” hyunjin had said to fairy boy. it was kind of him to share his umbrella. it was kind of anyone to share their umbrella with someone who didn’t have any shelter against the rain._  
  


_“i don’t know, you tell me.” he giggled._

**as she walks by**

**what a sigh for sore eyes**

_there he goes. it felt like hyunjin was stuck in one of those horror movies where everything kept repeating over and over again, until he figured out how to break out of the cycle._

**brighter than a blue sky**

**she’s got you mesmerised**

**while i die**

he was slowly teetering off the chair with his head tilting back.

**why would you ever kiss me**

**i’m not even half as pretty**

‘fuck you jisung for kissing me’, he thought to himself.

**you gave her your sweater**

**it’s just polyester**

tears began to pool at his eyes. how he wished he could rip his heart right out of its cage in his chest.

**but you like her better**

**wish I were heather**

the tears finally spilled down his cheeks as his head fell back fully tiled back, his mouth opened to a silent scream just when conan’s belt could be heard blaring through his earphones.

**wish i were heather**

the vocalisations conan gray let out whilst his belt note played in the background as hyunjin choked on a sob.

**wish i were heather**

it felt like demons whispering in his ears. 

**why would you ever kiss me**

**i’m not even half as pretty**

hyunjin’s eyes flew open as he leaned his body back in the chair and stared emotionlessly at the chalk board whilst his insides turned numb. his lips moving on their own as he whispered the last few words of the song, although it didn’t feel like just a song anymore.

**you gave her your sweater**

**it’s just polyester**

**but you like her better**

**wish i were—**

just then the classroom door flew open with a figure standing in the doorway, heavily panting. it was fairy boy.   
  


“felix.”

**Author's Note:**

> oh my gosh, i'm sorry if this sucked, but i'm pretty sure it didn't suck that much. this idea has been stuck in my head for a while and finally i wrote it without no writer's block. i just kept typing and typing, which i'm really glad for. also, please help me or point out any mistakes or shit because i was struggling with my tenses. other than that, i'm kinda really happy with this.


End file.
